How do bi women have privilege ? All youre doing is participating in bisexual erasure
Bi women have privilege over lesbians, it is absolutely not bi erasure to point this out. I was presenting my sexuality as bi to men and others for a while, and they always sounded very relieved when they confirmed that I was bi not gay, that I was still sexually invested in men. When I said I liked girls they were like, “Oh you’re a lesbian?” and I would say no, I’m bi and they would breathe a breath of relief and say something like “Phew!.” Now when I say I’m gay I have men tell me they are disappointed, as if we were going to date or as if I owed it to them to at least give them a sliver of hope that they could be with me. They walk away from me mid sentence at parties, they tell me I’ll find the right man, they tell me it doesn’t matter, they’ll fuck me anyway.
I’m not sure if that counts as a privilege, though. I am bisexual, and men believe that because I’m not exclusively attracted to women, that must mean that I am attracted to them. One of the men who raped me did so after I told him I’m bisexual, and he said something along the lines of “I bet women can’t fuck you like I can.”
Absolutely bisexual women in relationships with men have privilege over lesbians, but I’m not sure it’s fair to say all bisexual women have privilege over lesbians all the time.
And plus, I don’t super understand why there’s a need to have these “more oppressed than you” competitions, because a lot of women who like women have similar experiences in regards to how men treat us because of our sexualities.
sister kalimagination, i am moved by integrity to respond to you. and i acknowledge that i am taking a great risk of possibly being out of my lane as a hetero woman. but because lesbians are my highest priority as a radfem i am willing to take that risk and will stand accountable for the consequences of my actions.
ok, first of all. the man who raped you should be burned alive. that is point one through 1,000 of this post. he is trash and should be burned as trash. what a sadistic monster. i am so angry at what he did to you and i hate him.
ok. here goes:
the privilege bisexual women have that lesbians do not is that bisexual women have fewer barriers to expressing their natural sexuality. because they are sexually attracted to men, bisexual women align with patriarchal entitlement to women’s sexual attention. and because of this alignment there is less resistance to bisexual heterosexual relations than there are with lesbian relations with women.
so in that sense i must disagree and assert that yes. bisexual women do have privilege over lesbians. all lesbians. all the time.
and pointing this out to establish a clear understanding of the mechanisms of male violence towards women is essential to being a radical feminist. because radical feminism is about the COLLECTIVE liberation movement to free ALL WOMEN from male violence. so it is critical that each of us endeavors to understand the lived experiences of her sisters. because all women suffer under male supremacy, though we might be targeted differently because of our race, class, sexuality, abilities, etc.
and if we don’t actively seek to understand through compassion and honesty, we are more vulnerable to male violence and less powerful as a collective liberation movement.
so it’s not about “oppression olympics”. it’s about listening to your sisters and taking them at their word. even when that’s uncomfortable. which, it often is if we’re doing it right.
thank you kindly for the chance to address you so plainly. i really appreciate engaging in this discussion with you and am grateful for the chance to speak.
I adore you, you’re always so kind and considerate in how you approach these kind of discussions.
I can totally see how bisexuals could be said to have privilege over lesbians when you think of them as whole groups, not on an individual basis, which is how I’m still seeing these issues since I’m new to radical feminism. Thanks for taking the time to correct me :)
whew! i always hold my breath when i write these types of responses. it never gets less scary. but i am getting more used to the fear because i am MORE afraid of being moved from integrity. which is a hell i do not intend to revisit so long as i take breath.
thank you. so much. it’s a real honor, what we did together.
wow i am blown away + super inspired by this exchange
answered 3 hours ago
via redhester with 97 notes
im drunk and women are adorable
4 hours ago
with 3 notes
4 hours ago
with 5 notes
4 hours ago
like, bright white? or caucasian?
What does this even mean? I’m not from the Caucus, so I am not Caucasian, also Caucasian is a term steeped in white supremacy if I remember correctly. The biggest chunk of my ethnicity that is distinct is Greek, and I don’t like to tan so I’m pretty pale idk.
answered 4 hours ago
with 1 note
answered 4 hours ago
We live in a society that’s sexist in ways it doesn’t understand. One of the consequences is that men are extremely sensitive to being criticized by women. I think it threatens them in a very primal way, and male privilege makes them feel free to lash out.
This is why women are socialized to carefully dance around these issues, disagreeing with men in an extremely gentle manner. Not because women are nicer creatures than men. But because our very survival can depend on it.
The whole article sadly hits very close to home.(via rosalarian)
angryqueerlady replied to your post “stop playing oppression olympics” is pretty much never called for and…”
are you saying bisexual women are privileged?
That’s not at all what this post was about but I’ve said that before and I stand by it. I think Bi women have some privilege over lesbians depending on the situation. I know we’ve talked about this before irl too.
7 hours ago
with 1 note
Become a member at http://lakota.cc/1kvf8ka. This is just an example of the corruption that South Dakota DSS perpetuates. Learn more about the Mette Case at http://lakotalaw.org/special-reports/the-mette-affair. There are many stories like this, which is why we are assisting the Lakota tribes to create their own foster care system.
Free the Mette Children!
The South Dakota Dept. of Social Services placed 7 Lakota foster
children into foster care with a non-Native, known molester.
In what appears to be a common situation, the state of South Dakota placed 7 Lakota children into a foster family with a known molester, Richard Mette, and his enabling wife, Wendy Mette, from 2000 to 2013. The DSS knew of the accusations against Mr. Mette, but still placed Lakota foster children with him.
The state ignored MULTIPLE complaints of sexual and physical
abuse, and pleas for help from the children.
1. In 2001, the state ignored the foster boys’ complaints of molestation, and simply made the Mette adoptive parents sign a contract pledging to discontinue any illegal behavior.
2. In 2007, one of the girls told the police how she was sexually molested by Mr. Mette. She reported that Mrs. Mette knew about the molestations. Again, the DSS defended the Mette foster parents, and allowed the children to stay in the home.
3. Afterwards, Kelly, the older foster sister who had aged out of the Mette foster family, was getting reports from her younger siblings that the sexual and physical abuse was increasing and intensifying. She reported this to the South Dakota DSS, who ignored it and said they did not believe the children.
Yankton Doctor sees bruises and reports abuse. In October 2010, the only boy among the Mette foster siblings at that time went to see a doctor at the Human Services Center in Yankton, S.D. The child, covered with bruises, disclosed abuse occurring in his adoptive home. He also detailed how Richard Mette, the adoptive father, was molesting the girls. The doctor contacted the authorities at once.
Brandon Taliaferro, the Assistant State’s Attorney responsible for criminal child abuse cases in Brown County, immediately began an investigation.
The police search the Mette house and find more evidence of sexual abuse, including enough pornography to “pack a store”, including “family incest” porn.
The children revealed they had been subjected to physical abuse, sexual molestation and threats of being beaten if they did not comply with the molestation or if they told anyone. In addition, the children explained that they were often given a choice between “b***jobs or beatings”.
The children say they were forced to watch incest porn with Mr. Mette. The children were told that the porn, with titles like “Family Heat”, is how families are supposed to act.
The disgusted police charged Mr. Mette with 23 counts of child rape and incest, and Mrs. Mette with 11 counts of physical abuse and enabling.
The State prosecutor, however, first attempted to drop all charges, and charged sexual predator Mr. Mette with only one count of “spanking”.
When the State was not allowed to do this, they decided to charge Mr. Mette with only one count of rape of a child under 10. The other 22 charges of aggravated child rape and incest were
The State then dropped all charges against Mrs. Mette, who the children said knew about and enabled the abuse.
Children are now back with Mrs. Mette, where they can’t sue the State DSS. As the state’s DCI agent explained, South Dakota fears that they will face an expensive lawsuit by the seven Lakota foster children whose complaints of sexual abuse were ignored by the state
for 10 years. Since they are now minors in the custody of Wendy Mette, the person who enabled the abuse, they cannot sue the state without her permission and support.
What can we do?
Please call Tony West, the Associate Attorney General of the United States, and let him know that the federal Department of Justice needs to Free the Mette Children immediately!
Learn more: www.lakotalaw.org/special-reports/the-mette-affair
SIGNAL. FUCKING. BOOST.
"stop playing oppression olympics" is pretty much never called for and always used to try to shut someone up and stop them from examining uncomfortable privilege dynamics so consider your response null and void if you try to say that to me
7 hours ago
with 2 notes
answered 8 hours ago
via yourlocalfreak with 8,844 notes